Heard at an AA meeting:
“I was always black and blue. I just thought I bruised easily.”
‘Barb’ upon taking her Birthday Chip for 28 years of sobriety
Heard at a CSL Sunday service:
“We are not rational beings. We are rationalizing beings.”
Dr. Jim Lockard, Simi Valley CSL
Both of these statements hit home.
Rationalizing kept me progressively drunk and progressively numb for four decades.
Being drunk and numb for four decades kept me physically black and blue, as well as emotionally and spiritually bruised, but those marks I did not notice til later.
I was never sure how those random black and blue marks that mysteriously appeared and regularly dotted my limbs and hips ever got there. I considered it proof that I was one of those people who simply bruised easily, evidently even without tripping and falling, or banging into anything, as there was seldom recollection of that.
I figured it must be in my genes… probably the ones I inherited from the side of the family where alcoholism mysteriously appeared and dotted the branches of the family tree.
I was masterful at rationalizing that since I was meeting my responsibilities, paying my bills, showing up for work, and certainly not nearly as bad as [fill in the blank] — I could always cite someone who was a real mess — I was doing just fine thank you very much. As the Big Book of AA says, alcohol is “cunning, baffling, and powerful” and always seems to make sense at the time.
I was forever losing things like my keys, my purse, my glasses, my car … and worse, those irreplaceable lost forever things like …my childhood, my teens, my twenties, my patience, my relationships…
But never my sense of humor which has always saved me and still does…
With sense of humor intact along with ongoing willingness to work my spiritual programs of AA and Science of Mind, I can honestly say that I am now more familiar with losing things like my resentments, my self-serving, my ego, my need to be right, my desire to drink, and as promised in the Big Book of AA, losing my interest in selfish things.
… But never my sense of humor…
These days, I rarely feel or look bruised. To paraphrase a phrase from what is referred to in the Big Book of AA as “The Promises,” my whole outlook and attitude toward life has changed.
And in full recognition that changes will undoubtedly keep on coming, I feel confident I can handle the seemingly good ones and the seemingly not-so-good ones as long as I keep doing my work.
As Ernest Holmes says in This Thing Called You, “I know that everything in my experience is working together to bring this about. I am filled with calm confidence, with expectancy of good.”
It all feels so rational.
• Have you made excuses for things that might have been red flags?
• Does humor play a role in your program?
In gratitude, harmony and support,