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Keep the Change

Keep the Change

Each month when I turn the calendar page, I mentally celebrate a mini milestone. My sobriety date is a first of a month – May 1 (Day 1) and while that part is easy to remember, with time zooming so quickly a full running tally is not at the tip of my tongue. Instead I’ve taken to saying ‘I am 4 and change.’

Restless, Irritable, Discontent

Restless, Irritable, Discontent

The Higher Power, Grand Overall Design, How It Works, Thinking Stuff, the Thing Itself… Whatever you want to call it, although I felt suddenly devoid of It these past few days, I realized It’s working perfectly as always. In the absence of feeling great and on top of the world – in fact in the glaring presence of feeling dreadful and lowdown, I know with certainty that I am still connected and I can trust the process. Even in my crankiness and panic.

Inner Tuning Fork

Inner Tuning Fork

As a person of the alcoholic persuasion I realize that my cues and clues about how to “be” in many situations came from sources outside of myself.

I could scope out pretty quickly (not necessarily accurately, but quickly) the vibe in a room and then do a mental (subconscious) assessment along the lines of: I am not as fill-in-the-blank as the others here, or I’m way more fill-in-the-blank than these people.

The Promises

The Promises

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experiences can benefit others. The feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear.

Dimensions

Dimensions

Staying awake is a full time job. But payday is every day and the payoff is huge.

Practice and repetition makes this easier, as it always does. Living in awe while looking for inspiration in every situation snowballs into serenity. Looking for crap and crud also snowballs, but in a way that pulls me down. Training my mind to focus on empowering thoughts and turn away from disempowering thoughts is possible only when I am awake to it.

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