More Than Less

 

I think this sobriety recovery thing is pretty great. Even when it’s not very exciting. Even when it’s not even advancing–it’s better than feeling anxious all the time and sliding backwards like before.

Yeah it’s not perfect. There are still days of the blues and days of confusion and exhaustion and bleh. But now I know it’s a temporary state. I can recognize and observe it, instead of getting sucked in and believing it.

It wasn’t always like that. Way back when I only knew two directions – forward or backward, both always at full speed. So exhausting.

I’ve come to believe the periods of not moving forward are okay as long as I’m not moving backwards. Standing still and holding my ground is better than holding on for dear life while drowning in a boozy undertow.

I know I am on an upward spiral, constantly moving, constantly somewhere in the cycle. As long as there are no drugs or alcohol involved, I am experiencing recovery in real life. And sometimes, it’s uncomfortable.

I remember an AA meetings from very early on. Some guy said how on the map, we never get to that big giant W in the middle of the ocean. It’s not a place; it’s a direction, an ideal to aim for.

Our recovery is not a “there.” It’s really a “here”––wherever “here” is. It’s feeling good more often instead of less. It’s getting back into the game sooner rather than later, more quickly and easily than the times before.

And not freaking out when things are blah, or even calm. Not being addicted to drama–not creating it or wallowing in it.

It’s being mindful enough to catch myself mid-thought and remembering that my thoughts influence my life. Being aware of the power that a thought can have, even all by itself. And when it’s strung to a series of thoughts, it can go south so quickly if I’m not paying attention.

At any time, any of us is only one thought away from despair, victim-ness, and defeat. Troubling thoughts can sneak in from out of the blue––and run wild.

Even when I’m not capable of jumping onto a more positive train of thought in the moment, I can put the brakes on the negative one. And be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

 

 

In gratitude, harmony, and support,

 

More Than Less

6 thoughts on “More Than Less

  • October 18, 2018 at 4:16 pm
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    Great article, Lena. The whole thing can be summed up for me in this sentence. “Standing still and holding my ground is better than holding on for dear life while drowning in a boozy undertow.”

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    • October 18, 2018 at 6:44 pm
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      Well don’t underestimate how much of a win it is to hold tight. I was there many a time and in the end, it’s victorious as long as I didn’t take a drink. Cravings pass. They are so awful and feel so real but they will pass. Hang in there – let your light shine one hour or minute at a time. xoxox

      Reply
  • October 19, 2018 at 6:48 am
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    So grateful to know—really know—that even as I stand still at times, my sobriety is a very alive thing… always moving, always growing.

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    • October 20, 2018 at 3:30 pm
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      I love the way that sounds / feels to say that our sobriety is a very alive, active, moving, growing thing…. that is so true.

      Reply
  • October 22, 2018 at 6:48 am
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    Hi Lena. So real and down to earth. Shifting thoughts to raise vibration is a coping skill, when I can or want to use it. Another coping skill I’m learning is to embrace all my feelings. I’m not as afraid to sit with the pain, and know it will pass.

    Reply
    • October 29, 2018 at 7:43 pm
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      I like how you say that shifting thoughts do shift the energy when we can / want to use it… that’s a great awareness… Sometimes it just doesn’t happen, even though I know it’s my power to do so. Thank you for the reminder…

      Reply

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