“Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.”
“Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask, I wear a thousand masks. Masks that I am afraid to take off. But none of them are me.” ~Anonymous
During the recent Halloween weekend, I felt extra celebratory because it occurred to me that I am no longer wearing a mask. It occurs to me that so often throughout my life from my teens forward I have been.
Finding out more fully now who I really am underneath it all, and feeling able to represent as my very own self more freely and more often. OK so it’s taken me a long time to figure out who that person is. And I am so glad that I learned that as long as I am going to evolve anyway, I get to have a say in how that will play out.
I am whole, perfect, and complete – always have been, even in the absence of my knowing it.
Growing up in a home where alcoholism lived, I learned to be nimble to adjust to the vibe in the house – the prevailing moods. Mostly I learned to blend in to not make waves, and to adjust myself to the situation as need be. Cue the masks.
There is a positive side to that, as over time I found I could blend my way into various social groups – cops, robbers, good guys, bad guys, smart kids, not so smart kids – though never really feeling quite at home anywhere. All the while, drifting farther away from the memory of who I really was. That of course, was the negative side of all that.
I got good at sensing who or what you wanted me to be. That proved to be a recipe for disaster in my marriages because my true self was ever seeking to emerge and re-mind me who I was. That true self struggled against the very situations I had willingly put myself in.
As a favorite teacher of mine often points out, a blade of grass will press through cement to grow – I relate to that blade of grass pressing through the bondage of what felt like cement but what was really my fears, insecurities, and misunderstandings. I guess my true blade of grass self was the one that created those circumstances to give my mask-wearing self the lessons I needed, although some wreckage certainly ensued.
Removing the outer mask, then the one under that, and the one under that – and liking after all that person who is starting to emerge and take shape. It’s me under there, and I can finally just be me.
This sobriety thing is not a trick – it is a major treat.
- Do you notice yourself masking who you are with different people or in certain situations?
- How do you think it would feel if you presented yourself to the world as who you are in your private relaxed moments?
- What would you tell a friend if you noticed them putting on a mask?
In gratitude, harmony and support,