Honesty: Step 1

Admitted to ourselves that we were powerless over alcohol
– that our lives had become unmanageable.
 

Begin to act from your dominion. Declare the truth by telling yourself that there is nothing to be afraid of, that you no longer entertain any images of fear.
~Ernest Holmes

Those who do not recover are …usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves… incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. …Many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.  ~Bill Wilson

We must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The truth is that for decades, I was a liar. Mainly white lies to be non-offensive, but the urge to lie by omission or flat out misrepresentation grew until it seemed to be my default retort mode. Half truths and untruths came out in response in benign ways like “How much did that tablecloth cost?” to treacherous things like saying “I love you”
back when I didn’t.

The worst whoppers were the ones I told to myself. “I can handle this.”  “I am fine.” “I am not afraid.”  “My life is great.” “I can stop drinking anytime I want to.”  “I do not have a problem.” “This is fun.”

It took many years and much chaos before I visited a New Thought center which awakened a yearning for something that felt somehow familiar at the cellular level, yet completely foreign at the conscious level.

Hearing that I was whole perfect and complete sounded so right, and I longed for that to be true, though I felt it was pretty obvious that I was lacking something. Even though I couldn’t quite put my finger on what, I suspected everyone else could.

From that point on I began to get increasingly familiar with the genius of Ernest Holmes. A decade went by before I became familiar with the genius of Bill Wilson.

By then, I had finally absorbed enough SOM to know that I truly was whole perfect and complete in that moment, yet open to grow and evolve to the next highest expression of myself as an individualized version of Spirit. 

It was then time to admit my truth. The Big One which I had spent many years trying to outrun, only to find it sitting on my shoulder in my blind spot, waiting for me. I could no longer let fear prevent me from looking deeply in the mirror and being honest, first to myself, then to my family. I finally admitted that my life had become unmanageable.

Today I act from my dominion and know there is nothing to be afraid of. Today I play no games with myself. I exercise my capacity to be rigorously honest at all times.

And my life is becoming manageable. And that is the truth.
 

In gratitude, harmony and support,

 

Honesty

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