We must play no games with ourselves, but deal in our privacy with the last honesty and truth. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Those who do not recover are …usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves… incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honestly. …Many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. ~Bill Wilson
Let’s be real. It is so much easier that way, come to find out. So much less to keep track of.
The truth is I was a liar for decades. Mainly white lies to be non-offensive, but lies by omission or flat out misrepresentation was my default mode. Half truths and untruths came out in benign matters like “How much did that lamp cost?” but also treacherous ones like saying “I love you” back when I didn’t.
The worst whoppers were the ones I told to myself. “I can stop drinking anytime I want to.” “I do not have a problem.” “I’m fine.” “I’m not afraid.” “Things are great.” “I can handle this.” “This is fun.”
With many years and much chaos under my belt I somehow found my way to a Center for Spiritual Living. A yearning began to stir; something I couldn’t articulate that felt strangely familiar deep inside, yet completely foreign at the conscious level.
Hearing there that I was whole perfect and complete sounded so right, and I longed for that to be true, though I felt it was pretty obvious that I was lacking something. Even though I couldn’t quite put my finger on what, I suspected everyone else could.
At last, time to admit my truth. The Big One I’d spent decades trying to outrun. Sure enough it was standing in my blind spot, waiting for me. I could no longer let fear prevent me from looking deeply in the mirror and being honest, first to myself, then to my family. I finally admitted that my life had become unmanageable.
Today I play no games with myself. I exercise my capacity to be rigorously honest at all times to the best of my ability.
And my life is becoming more and more manageable. And that is the truth.
- As your recovery deepens do you notice you’re more truthful?
- Is it possible for you to lie? Under what types of circumstances?
- What are some truths that you are facing?
In gratitude, harmony and support,