Either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn’t.

~Bill W, “We Agnostics”

 

 

Everything or Nothing

 

 

The Higher Power, Grand Overall Design, How It Works, Thinking Stuff, the Thing Itself… Whatever you want to call it, although I felt suddenly devoid of It these past few days, I realized It’s working perfectly as always. In the absence of feeling great and on top of the world – in fact in the glaring presence of feeling dreadful and lowdown, I know with certainty that I am still connected and I can trust the process. Even in my crankiness and panic.

I wonder how in the world I ever got by without my programs – spiritual and / or recovery. Oh yeah – things were chaotic and didn’t always go well or end well.

Well, even with my programs, things felt out of whack lately. I felt like I was slipping. Not slipping as in taking a drink or anything like that. No – but slipping into the old style of thinking and feeling that hijacked my thoughts and serenity. It’s a déjà vu that makes me shudder.

Tight and anxious, the way I recall I felt much of the time. I had forgotten what it was like and how unpleasant it felt to be like that. I don’t like to feel uptight, anxious, crabby, annoyed, resentful, restless, irritable, and discontent. Bleech. Admittedly blindsided by this dark cloud that swooped in…

So the good news is now I have the tools to know what to do – and here’s the clincher: I actually used a lot of them! Affirming, calling someone to say “help!” and letting some things just not get done, picking up books and reading pertinent paragraphs, breathing deeply, going to a meeting… A lot of observing myself as being inside a temporary condition instead of getting swept up in it like it’s real. Dragging my thoughts back in the right direction and buckling my seat belt to ride it out, all the while knowing full well that it’s temporary. Even in the midst of the feelings of angst, I consciously trust my Higher Power in a way I never did before I pondered whether It is everything, or nothing. I have come to believe It is everything.

Progress not perfection – I’ll take it as that. I may even end up with a proverbial light bulb over my head when this experience is fully over.

 

• Do you ever get blindsided by old thinking / feeling habits even when you are being true to your spiritual practices?
• What are some ways you ride out the storm?

 

 

In gratitude, harmony and support,

 

Everything or Nothing

4 thoughts on “Everything or Nothing

  • March 23, 2019 at 2:36 am
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    Amen, Lena!! I can totally relate to this post. We all get to that place where we have to decide how we will handle life. Like you, handling it without reverting to previous behavior is key. Hugs💜

    Reply
    • March 25, 2019 at 9:17 pm
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      Thank you my Friend – I used to feel that I had to be “perfect” or not let it show that I was stumbling or unsure — what a relief to just let it ride and know that in the big picture all is well’ I am just a human being having a human experience. Ha! I can decide (like you said) to just stand still, or possibly inch forward if I can – just don’t go backward – well, backward is ok and I think I’ve done that a bit – but the million dollar awareness – do not drink or do anything drug related. Period. That is the key and that will save the day every time. xo

      Reply
  • March 25, 2019 at 6:57 am
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    I can totally relate. I recently went through this myself. Thank God for the tools and our community. And, thanks for publishing your life experience.
    Jonathon

    Reply
    • March 25, 2019 at 9:07 pm
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      Thanks Jonathon – isn’t it weird how it can just hit like a bat out of hell… and to know that pretty much it will happen again. I’m not 100% past it but I am so grateful to see it for what it is… Fear maybe? Doubt? Just plain old tired – but knowing that it’s ok to feel uncomfortable … it’s part of the process and I don’t have to run from it or try to block it out – just let it be and more will be revealed… Thank you …

      Reply

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