When I used to hear people refer to their “program” I had no idea what they were talking about. I suppose it can mean different things to different people, but in my pre-sobriety days, what I had going on was a default program. I didn’t even realize it existed, let alone know that it was the main operating system in my life. I was running on the subconscious programming I had picked up, mostly fueled by false beliefs and unskillful behaviors, to put it mildly.
Through Science of Mind / New Thought principles I learn I have always been creating my experience through my infinite connection to my spiritual Higher Power, whether consciously or (most often) unconsciously. Through working the 12 Steps of AA and reflecting back over past experiences, I learn that this power has always had my back even when I was clueless, felt underserving, or tested it carelessly.
Moments ago I was back in time. I dreamed I did a line of coke. It felt too real and so stressful even in my dream. I just woke up and want to write it down while still fresh.
It went like this: I stumbled upon an unbeknownst bag of cocaine in my home. I felt a sudden surge of sneaky adrenaline as I determined what to do. I hurriedly filled up one of those brown glass gram containers that people used to use and maybe still do for all I know.
My friend is having trouble synching her Science of Mind understanding with Alcoholics Anonymous when it comes to saying “I am an alcoholic” in what sounds like affirmative verbiage. A core tenet of 12 Step recovery is saying “I am that”, recognizing and admitting that alcohol has taken a vice-like grip in the physical, mental, and emotional domains and is encroaching upon a balanced and peaceful life.
During the recent Halloween weekend, I felt extra celebratory because it occurred to me that I am no longer wearing a mask. It occurs to me that so often throughout my life from my teens forward I have been.
I’m understanding more deeply that my entire reality is based on how my mind construes, decodes, and deciphers my experiences. Particularly with my sobriety. I love to focus on the fun, happiness, and freedom I now have because alcohol is no longer required as part of the equation. Before, I could not fathom how I could have any fun without it; now I cannot fathom having any fun with it.
Please take a look at this 5 minute video by Film Bilder. Do you know that little guy? Was that you? It sure was me. This short, silent, screening is spot-on. It speaks volumes. When it screened at the Heart, Mind, and Sprit Recovery Conference recently in Breckenridge, Colorado, I knew I was in my element.
Father Mother God? We never spoke of God this way growing up. Actually we never spoke much of God at all. The word God was most often followed by dammit . . .
My childlike (though probing and astute) inquiries about the meaning of all the God talk I heard from other kids and society at large were usually answered with a shrug.