It takes some digging even to find a quote in New Thought Science of Mind literature that acknowledges our dark sides, fears, and flaws. Our “character defects” as they are referred to in 12 Step work.
“But we aren’t a glum lot…We absolutely insist on enjoying life.”
“All things respond to the call of rejoicing; all things gather where life is a song.”
~Christian D. Larson
Amy Winehouse was not on my radar screen during the final years of her and debauched life, which happened to coincide with the final years of my own drinking and carousing. We didn’t travel in the same circles so I didn’t know much about her beyond her name and public photo image. She didn’t know I existed.
I admit to a dormant but spring-loaded negative knee jerk reaction to the phrase “Thy Will Be Done” – not sure where I picked that up, but I can’t help notice it’s there. This phrase is used frequently in the Big Book as well as in pretty much every AA meeting I attend.
It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that willingness is the key to everything.
In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is literally or conceptually interwoven into almost every page. And for those of us who are not willing, it’s suggested we shoot for willing to be willing as a starting point.
Gratitude for everything is everything. The game changer is in the art of finding -however minuscule or hidden – that which is worthy (or even potentially worthy) of gratitude in the midst of the crappy condition or circumstance. Agreed it is sometimes a bit of a stretch but every situation has it – it’s up to me to find it if I want to come out on top as opposed to letting the situation bury me.
Sometimes my character defects flare up and smack me in the face. I hate that.
I’m ok with thinking about them at arm’s length and listing them as is suggested in the 6th step. I can rattle them off by the score. But when I find myself in the midst of them, or notice them in the midst of my behavior, it’s a different feeling.
Peeling the onion is one of the many phrases, slogans, and concepts in recovery. It is an appropriate comparison that makes sense to me… think of those thin almost translucent layers that suddenly are ready to slide off and be shed, released. Almost imperceptible to the whole but one layer closer to the core, to the center.