In the early days and weeks of recovery ‘feeling all the feels’ is like being on a furious roller coaster. After I quit my heavy drinking habit I lurched from one emotional state to another like a crazy woman. One minute screaming at the kids, then crying for no apparent reason, feeling waves of awful hopeless, and often this horrible itchy boredom. But slowly – very slowly – things calmed down. I got better at navigating my way through tough times. I became familiar with my anger and sadness and less reactive to them. I was able to stop myself from losing the plot at the drop of a hat.
What if my alcoholism is my greatest asset? Not when it was alive, active, and devouring me––no. But when I came to my senses long enough to catch my breath. More like the moment it became my reality check, and then the climb back up from that. If I hadn’t hit the place where I was able to admit that my life had become unmanageable, I would likely never have done the depth of work on myself that is requested/required in The Steps.
Getting sober is just the beginning. Life rolls out the red carpet when we step fully into recovery. Our “List Post” for this month includes 10 things we can do to thrive! What can you add to this list?
Words are symbols comprised of a bunch of letters or sounds, but it’s the feelings they trigger based on the meanings I give them that hold all the power. If I’m tuned in to that, I can simply substitute a different phase that won’t cause a subconscious knee jerk reaction. In flows the good. Bill Wilson, the founder and daddy of AA, did this. Skeptical of and resistant to religious verbiage, his life changed when he learned to construct and verbalize his own image of what his Higher Power is. His very own Spiritual Experience.
Life changing moments often come unexpectedly. The good, the bad and the ones an individual never wishes to experience. For Nathan Harmon that moment occurred in July of 2009. It was a night that was supposed to be filled with laughter and a new friendship. That ultimately ended with a fatal car accident leaving 28 year old, Priscilla Owens gone forever, a girl he had known for only three weeks.
This week marks 31 years since my extraordinary daughter was born. However, she was not due for another two weeks, a date I had etched into my brain and had joyfully anticipated (along with some fear and nervousness) for nine months. I had read all the books and taken the classes, and I knew what to do when my water broke and when the labor pains could be timed at specific intervals…
I am grateful to know I am in the perfect place for me. I give myself permission to slow down, to listen to divine inner wisdom, and enjoy. August is the perfect month to stay awake, remain curious, listen deeply, and glide into what is next like an invigorating ride down a water slide.
I didn’t wake up one day sober and filled with a sense of peace. I’ve been wandering around this planet for 20 years, and I’ve spent the vast majority of them sabotaging myself compared to the few years I’ve put towards recovery. In the last year though, I’ve found that by actively trying to connect to some power in the Universe that is not me, I’ve come much closer to finding myself than I ever could have dreamed. I’m still learning, and there’s so much to spirituality and recovery that I haven’t even begun to tap into, but that’s why I focus on taking things one day at a time. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but as long you continue to pursue it the sky’s the limit, recovery is infinite, and anything is truly possible.