Before, when I heard people refer to their “program” I had no idea what they were talking about. I had a program, all right, but it was a default program. I didn’t realize it existed, let alone know that it was the main operating system in my life. I was running on the subconscious programming I had picked up, largely by false beliefs and the unskillful behaviors of myself and others.
Before sobriety, it was always pretty jumbly in my head, as I recall. There was a steady din of noise that I had no idea I could intercept, re-pattern, or stop. I usually had no idea what it was specifically saying, but basically it wasn’t pretty, and it kept me in an emotional slump. The inner voices (I’ve heard referred to as The Committee) were not helpful or positive. They likely held me back, kept me struggling, doubtful, and afraid.
I try to remember to be mindful that what I put after that extremely powerful word duo will become my life experience. I Am… what I decide I am. Actually I Am what I believe I am, no more, no less. If I want to know what that really is, my results, situations, and circumstances will provide lots of clues for me to interpret. Those clues will tell me what I believe to be true about who I am, and what I believe is possible or not for me.
Striking that balance between self-reflection and self-absorption is a key.
Regularly monitoring my vitals by checking my emotional pulse, taking my spiritual temperature, and observing my physical condition have become necessary self-reflective measures that support my serenity and sobriety.
I jump off a tall platform; I go boom. I touch a hot stove; ouch, I burn and blister. Every time. I trust these physical laws of nature to work–no need for me to test them repeatedly.
Historically, it’s been easier for me to buy into these physical promises than to trust the universal ones that say if I live by certain principles, certain outcomes will follow. Even more difficult for me was the notion that positive outcomes are subject to these promises just as much as negative ones; just that the negative ones felt so much more familiar to me.
Everything works out perfectly. Or at least has some good in it.
Sometimes that goodly perfection is obvious immediately; other times it take a while. One of the gifts of recovery and spiritual growth is realizing it sooner, faster, and deeper.
Thursday is the day! Today I announce that Think Right into Limitless Sobriety, my first e-book, will be available Thursday via a link in your email. Thank you in advance for clicking and receiving my gift to you.
Think Right into Limitless Sobriety is a short journal that explores three of the step principles for living a rich and robust life: 1. Honesty; 2. Hope / Knowing, and 3. Surrender.
“Smallness is contagious.” I heard this at a conference recently. It occurred to me at times I’ve caught the smallness bug and even spread it. It feels ickier than the flu. Symptoms may include difficulty swallowing others’ goodness, achievements, or successes. You may be infected if you find yourself gossiping, mocking, eye-rolling or feeling envious. Even worse for me was choking back my very own goodness, achievements, or successes. That is no way to live.