Although I love words and respect their power, all this is beyond words. My recovery is beyond words–the depth of the relief and happiness and freedom that comes with it. When I hear others speak of it, I know they lack words too. No problem. Their emotional passion is communicated loud and clear. Recovery, Higher Power, Green… whatever. I will think less and feel more. And continue to stay in conscious contact with It so I can notice it all around me.
A newcomer asked me recently what a spiritual awakening means. What a great question… The spirit does not wake with a start. There is no spiritual alarm clock to set. In my experience, a spiritual awakening is a gradual process. Of course, there is the burning bush experience, the vision. And while I experienced a mystical jolt of the soul while detoxifying in Mexico, I’ve come to trust my knowledge from practical experience more than that fever dream, that hallucinogenic product of my delirium.
Balance. Middle Ground. That’s seems almost as elusive as perfection to me, but a much more worthy aim. And the good news is, there’s more of a range to aim for. It’s not an absolute, finite spot to hit or miss. The only absolute I need is that I absolutely may not drink alcohol or do recreational drugs. Ever. And even that’s getting easier to conceive of and accept. I no longer miss those things – even though “one day at a time” does have a nice ring and is a reliable mantra for so much more than addictions. I realize that my “go-to fix” is not anything outside myself anymore.
Here are some examples of contrary actions for “Life’s Little Moments”––what would you add to this list?
Take a walk instead of a nap… Take some deep breaths instead of speaking out in anger at someone… Give someone a compliment when feeling envious or less-than… Make amends instead of plotting revenge… Engage in visualizing the life of your dreams instead of engaging in “morbid reflection…”
If a picture is worth 1000 words, then a word is worth 1000 pictures. Since waking up to this, I’m more selective with my words, whether uttered or just in thought. In the past, words tumbled mindlessly around in my head stirring up emotions, frequently negative, that would spontaneously combust into a tirade or a tantrum, or simmer as internal gloom, fear, or resentment. And I thought it was real. I simply wasn’t paying attention.
We give much attention to getting sober from drugs and alcohol but emotional sobriety is something that, in alcoholic or dysfunctional families, everyone loses. And everyone needs to get back. The essence of emotional sobriety is good self-regulation… when we can’t bring our feeling and thinking into some sort of balance, our life and our relationships feel out of balance too. The ability to self-regulate, to bring ourselves into balance, is key to emotional sobriety.
Do you find that even though you know you can hit the reset button any time you choose, there’s something about a new calendar year that invites a really serious evaluation of what ought to be reset? What’s calling for more… what’s calling for less? Here, just days into the new year, I can already feel the gravitational pull of the old familiar starting to tug at me. And all of my intentions start to feel more “out there” than “right here right now.” UNLESS actions are taken…
This is a time of year when we all tend to make lists – Christmas lists, New Year’s lists, even lists of lists… Here is a list of All I Want For Christmas right here, right now, and for the New Year too… Well, maybe not all, but a good solid starting point. And you?