If You’re Not Finding What Works, Keep Looking

If You’re Not Finding What Works, Keep Looking

Alcoholics Anonymous. I pretty much nailed the first part. Not so much on the second part. I choose to identify out loud because it makes me feel empowered. When I was actively drinking, I was in denial, shame, and silence. Of course, I don’t blab it out in all situations, but if it I feel it’s appropriate, I say it. I don’t feel it’s a stigma. Do you? Someone (a normie) told me that it’s still a terrible stigma. Interesting.

Peace, Faith, and Serenity

Peace, Faith, and Serenity

In the past, I was always more concerned with what things seemed like on the outside. I had a glamorous job, an affluent boyfriend, a great body, the newest designer handbag, friends, status, education, health, family, opportunity, and potential. Success was my fuel, and it gave me a false bravado that everything was perfect. I always kept up with the Jones’, so it was hard to compare “normal” drinking to problematic.

Vulnerable and Free

Vulnerable and Free

We experience pain deeply, sometimes a backlog built up over a lifetime. If we’re lucky, we have a sponsor who advises us to bring that pain to god. But sometimes, our amygdalas decide god’s just not concrete enough. We need safety precautions, emotional helmets and hazmat suits! So we reduce our vulnerability by learning to edit and hide our true selves. We develop strategies like people pleasing: whatever we think will smooth our path, whatever others want or would approve, we try to appear. The goal is to be accepted. We need it because we so intensely fear rejection’s pain.

Detachment, Non-Attachment, and Expectations (oh my)

Detachment, Non-Attachment, and Expectations (oh my)

To my former and un-recovering self, it was simply subtle semantics between non-attachment and detachment but I discovered a lot of hidden power lurking there once I realized the difference. Non-attachment is something I strive for. Detachment is not, according to my perception of their meanings. When I get attached to specific outcomes, aka have expectations, it’s very likely that disappointment and future resentments will follow. Expectations are resentments on deck, waiting to step up and hit.

Anxiety, Depression, and Sobriety

Anxiety, Depression, and Sobriety

I don’t know what it’s like for those who don’t suffer from anxiety and depression, but for me, mood and motivation remains a constant roller coaster. I swing high for a period of time, and then crash down into varying degrees of low. When you’re trying to stay sober, this adds an added layer to the challenges. A week or two ago, I felt like a different person. Now, as we round out the second week of the new year, I’m having to deal with old demons once again.

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