I know better than to judge others. But I often feel those of us working a program in recovery are higher up the food chain than others who stay asleep to the wonder of it all. I do think we are certainly more evolved – a better way to put it… I am thankful for the dark depths of addiction that made the light of sobriety so much brighter.
Now that the 4th of July has passed, how wonderful it is to be able to celebrate Independence Day again today. Not to take anything away from the patriotic and meaningful holiday celebration of last week, but for people like me, every day is Independence Day, as long as I exercise my freedom to choose wisely. For me that means choosing health by means of sobriety.
Growing up––and even into my adult years––I struggled with my identity. I didn’t really have one. I had many. I would chameleon myself into different situations… I still contend there can be a hidden gift in that, as long as there is a definite home base to return to.
Such a subtle nuance between non-attachment and detachment, but in such subtlety, hidden power often lurks.
Non-attachment is something I strive for.
Detachment is not, according to my perception of their meanings.
Part of the fun of a concert or a play is feeling the collective vibe and connection with others in the theater audience right there with me. The depth and quality of the experience are exponentially more enlivening than listening to a CD or watching from home on TV …
The Higher Power, Grand Overall Design, How It Works, Thinking Stuff, the Thing Itself… Whatever you want to call it, although I felt suddenly devoid of It these past few days, I realized It’s working perfectly as always. In the absence of feeling great and on top of the world – in fact in the glaring presence of feeling dreadful and lowdown, I know with certainty that I am still connected and I can trust the process. Even in my crankiness and panic.
As a person of the alcoholic persuasion I realize that my cues and clues about how to “be” in many situations came from sources outside of myself.
I could scope out pretty quickly (not necessarily accurately, but quickly) the vibe in a room and then do a mental (subconscious) assessment along the lines of: I am not as fill-in-the-blank as the others here, or I’m way more fill-in-the-blank than these people.
Not material things (well sometimes) but what I really want is more intangible. Decades ago when I first became aware that I wanted a certain something that I saw in certain others, I wouldn’t have been able to articulate the word for what “that” was. Serenity probably comes closest.