The difference between prayer and meditation is often defined as such: Prayer is talking to God (Higher Power, Spirit, The Divine), and meditation is listening. For many, prayer is simple and straightforward, while meditation may prove a little more challenging. Both are an essential part of working a spiritual program…
Whether you’ve been sober for 10 hours or 10 years, it’s a great beginning. You may have noticed it keeps getting better. Life rolls out the red carpet when we fully engage with our recovery program and keep open at the top. Wonderment ensues. What can you add to this list?
I am a sober mom. Initially, I thought there were only a few of us—like we’re an endangered species only talked about in recovery circles. The wine culture that social media often promotes might seem to contradict this, but more and more moms are choosing not to drink. When my children were very little, I leaned heavily on that five o’clock cocktail. I can remember many afternoons when I would be sitting, either miserably hungover or miserably waiting until I could crack open a bottle…
To me, the concept of a Day of Atonement, which includes a day of fasting, feels more relevant to my life today when I think of it in terms of making amends. It’s becoming clear to me that humans have a wired-in need to come clean with our spiritual self, to clean the slate, to clean our side of the street and live from a place of peace and harmony. Interesting, and for me somewhat challenging to really think it could be done in one day, one clean sweep so to speak. Clean and sober – I see a trend.
In the early days and weeks of recovery ‘feeling all the feels’ is like being on a furious roller coaster. After I quit my heavy drinking habit I lurched from one emotional state to another like a crazy woman. One minute screaming at the kids, then crying for no apparent reason, feeling waves of awful hopeless, and often this horrible itchy boredom. But slowly – very slowly – things calmed down. I got better at navigating my way through tough times. I became familiar with my anger and sadness and less reactive to them. I was able to stop myself from losing the plot at the drop of a hat.
What if my alcoholism is my greatest asset? Not when it was alive, active, and devouring me––no. But when I came to my senses long enough to catch my breath. More like the moment it became my reality check, and then the climb back up from that. If I hadn’t hit the place where I was able to admit that my life had become unmanageable, I would likely never have done the depth of work on myself that is requested/required in The Steps.
To think of recovery as linear – a continuum of getting better and better – is misguided at best. Recovery is messy as hell. It is a series of becoming undone, reforming, and blooming – again and again. Anyone who tells you it’s plain sailing once you get sober, or that your inner turmoil is a reflection of your broken spiritual state, is entirely misguided. I just turned six years sober and have never felt so broken and undone in my entire recovery journey so far. No amount of spiritual work is touching the surface, only easing the pain and my relationship to it.
As I look forward to the crispness of autumn, and to cooler days and nights on deck, it is the perfect time to sense a change in the air, and begin to tune into what no longer serves me, and let it go… I open my arms wide to welcome the divinely timed arrival of September, shining with pure potentiality. I am strong, I am open, and I receive all the gifts life has to offer including health, joy, abundance, creativity, and love.