In the inventory process of our 12-Step recovery program, one of the things we do is to identify our personal resentments, also called grudges. Resentments can be thought of as re-lived anger, even though the external instigating cause is no longer present. Resentments create unpleasant feelings in us when the thoughts about the situation are brought into our consciousness. Many a relapse has happened because resentments surfaced with their pain and we reverted to fixing the unpleasant feelings with mind altering chemicals. For the recovering alcoholic, it means to drink. Other than the short term euphoric feeling, this fixes nothing. Usually it brings further difficulties, and our resentments simply lie in wait for another day.
What a week – I was reminded that waiting for something “bad” to happen is more stressful than dealing with it after it actually happens. And while the sense of impending fiasco felt intangible and ominous, the outcome was measurable, manageable, and malleable to my perception. Then I could go back to knowing something good is going to happen…
Getting and staying sober can seem like a lot to the newcomer, and sometimes we forget about all the joys that come with it. For example, being surrounded by a group of loving and compassionate people who have been through the same feelings and experiences that we have. We are told from the very beginning of our journey to “stick with the winners” and this is what that means and why you should do it.
It’s a new month, and as is now our custom, we have a list post for you! Of course, there are dozens of benefits not listed, so please share some you have noticed from your practice.
Enabling in many ways looks like supporting, but it differs in one main aspect. To enable someone is to protect them from experiencing the full weight of the consequences for their actions. This may sound like what we should do for our loved ones, protect them from the possibility of pain, but when it comes to addiction, this proves to be more hurtful than helpful.
When I hear someone say something like “keep trudging” or use some form of that word, I pretty much know that person is one of us. Based on the often-read and repeated passage from the Big Book “… and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.” I feel a kindred connection when I hear it, and if possible I like to make eye contact – wink, nod.
Exhaustion is a state of being that most moms understand all too well, even if they are not dealing with addiction or recovery therefrom. We have been conditioned to believe that we need to be able to be and do everything…work, raise children, keep a neat and tidy house, be involved in the children’s schoolwork and extracurricular activities and be a seductress in the bedroom. Wonder Woman incarnate. We get tired just thinking about it. Exhaustion affects us physically, mentally and emotionally. And we always seem to put ourselves last.
One of my loved ones, a normie who met me after I began navigating the road of recovery, noticed a 6-pack of beer in my fridge one day that hadn’t been there the day before. It aroused curiosity (and I later learned some anxiety.) I explained that I bought it for some beer-drinking company I was expecting. That was the end of it for me, but my love admitted to periodically peeking to see if anything had changed with the 6-pack status.