It was in this moment that I realized there was no way that I could do this alone. I closed my eyes and asked the universe for more strength. With every step I took I had to ask for the power to take another step. And every step granted to me brought me closer and closer to the top of that mountain. I know that it is not my own willpower that carried me to the top… I firmly believe that the universe knew how much I needed this victory to revive my motivation in my own life…. I have to draw power from a source greater than myself, a power that would not have brought me this far just to drop me on my head with the finish line in sight.
Before Recovery Consciousness, thinking and speaking in positive, life-giving ways does not come naturally for most people. What a blessing to be open and teachable, caring and loving, and confident and optimistic in sobriety. As the Promises state, “Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.” What can you add to this list?
Step eleven, like step ten, is not a step that is worked once and then forgotten. Instead, it is part of an ongoing (usually daily) ritual of recovery. That said, recovering addicts often find “prayer” and “meditation” to be somewhat baffling concepts. And some, especially those who began the recovery process as agnostics or atheists, may still be struggling with the idea of having a higher power at all. For these reasons (and many others), step eleven can be a difficult one to work. If you find yourself struggling with this step, take heart in the fact that you are not alone. Even the most devoutly spiritual and/or religious members of twelve-step recovery groups sometimes lose their way here.
With deep gratitude for everything this short month has brought and for all that waits in the wings to unfold in March, I breathe in and honor my sobriety, serenity, and strength. In my next breath, I open my arms wide and gratefully welcome the next turn of the calendar page, already filled with love, light, and limitless possibility. I am strong, I am open, and I receive and deserve all the gifts that life has to offer including health, joy, acceptance, and wisdom.
Coming to Step Nine of the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous was somewhat daunting, yet easier, as I then had the experience of God on my side. The Fifth Step brought a sense of relief – the beginning of a serene life. For the first time since I was a small boy I felt the presence of God in my life. I knew then that sobriety by itself was not enough, that I desired to be recovered. I knew that the solution was and is a vital spiritual experience and having a relationship with God in whom I trust. Therefore, I had plenty of motivation and desire to adopt the humility necessary to make amends to the people I had harmed – Step Nine.
Skip Instead of Trudge When I hear someone say “keep trudging” or use some form of that word, I pretty much know that person is one of us. Nobody else really says that unless they’re tuned into the
When I got sober I lived in a foreign country where being sober was basically unheard of. I didn’t know what any of this [stuff] meant – “pink cloud,” “90 in 90,” “sponsor,” “people, places, things.” I was truly on my own from the get-go with my sobriety. I paved my own way and I never considered that some people get sober and stay in a sober bubble, sometimes forever…
At various points in the past I was in that weak “why me” place? Why did I have to be the one that goes too far and makes the bigger fool of myself? Why did I have to be the one to hurl one more, and one louder, smartass comeback than the other? Why do I have to be the one that can’t remember what happened after that? Why can’t I get addicted to yoga or steamed vegetables? When I finally realized the time had come to plug the jug once and for all, the luminosity of the spiritual light I had been dancing around for a decade came flooding in through that first crack of awareness, acknowledgement, and acceptance. Game changed forever.