“Serenity is not freedom from the storms of life. It is the calm in the center that gets me through.”
~Stephanie S. Covington
“Do not dwell on the negative things but replace them, supplant them, with the right constructive things.”
I was getting a massage at the chiropractor’s office this morning (gratitude) and the masseuse, who just hit 10 years of sobriety (a mutual topic previously discovered) told me that on the way to work this morning she stopped at the store and purchased (not one, but) 10 boxes of Mike and Ike candy. She was going to give it to her roommate to help her manage them as she knew that she could sit and eat 5 of them in one sitting… like the 4 ice creams she ate the other day.
A Sister! Out of nowhere this can happen, though it may be months or years in between such sugar loads for either of us.
I related and told her about my Good & Plenty jones that happened not too long ago when I fairly sprinted made a beeline directly from the parking lot to the candy aisle at Ralph’s. I put 1 family size box in my empty cart. Then immediately took it out, opened it, and proceeded to eat the entire box until it was gone. When I couldn’t fall asleep that night until well after midnight, it was pointed out to me the next day that perhaps loading more than 350 grams of sugar into a system that eats very little sugar freaked my body out.
This is risky behavior for people like the masseuse and me. How great to be aware. “Well,” we realized, “at least we didn’t drink alcohol.”
But this does shake me up a bit. We can stop drinking (or whatever our main drug or behavior of choice) but continue to be symptomatic of addictive behavior.
I am extremely grateful to be in a spiritually supportive recovery environment in recognition of this, with the ability to observe, and the tools to make the required mental, emotional, or spiritual adjustment to address whatever out-of-whack-ness led me to that. Because it wasn’t the actual eating of the candy as much as the energy surrounding it. It didn’t feel like I was in any kind of control; my thoughts were buzzily frenetic.
Higher Power Time. Meditation and affirmative prayer, an on-the-spot inventory: am I feeling resentful of anyone / anything? (well, kind of yes). Is my self-esteem a little wobbly? (possibly). Am I holding anything that needs to be said? (hmmmm).
As Stephanie S. Covington says so beautifully in her book, A Woman’s Way Through The Twelve Steps, (which goes for men too) “Because we never ‘graduate from recovery we will always be getting to know ourselves at a deeper level… Inner awareness evolves over time and requires our consistent attention.”
Above all else, heartfelt gratitude for how far I’ve come, for what I have learned in the process, and through my one-day-at-a-time way of life, for how far I get to go.
What is your strategy when you feel out of control?
Are there other behaviors / substances you tend to go to that let you know you’re going off track?
In gratitude, harmony, and support,